Dismantling the C-Word: Celibacy and Reasons You Should Commit to it
Casual Sex is not Casual
With an increasing hyper-sexualized culture, our society has normalized casual sex. It’s no wonder why so many women (and men) yearn to be in relationships, but are unable to form a true connection. Combine the lack of slow enduring curiosity with unresolved trauma, a decrease in healthy family structures, and declining values of marriage, and you have the perfect disaster. Considering the natural biological disposition of a heterosexual woman, she suffers the most because in hindsight, her body wasn’t created for casualties and meaningless deposits. If she desires commitment, honor, and respect she is much better off limiting access to her temple and choosing to be celibate until she understands the wisdom of her heart, needs, and spiritual value in a man’s life.
Sex is an energetic and spiritual experience, and when a woman opens her sacred gate without her heart being respected, seen, and treasured, she is left distraught after the dopamine wears off. Energy lingers in a woman’s womb even after sex has taken place; hence, there is nothing casual about feeling a man’s imprint inside of your body (or multiple men for that matter) when he has no intention to fully love and respect you.
It’s quite natural to yearn for physical intimacy and dry spells amplify the loneliness; however, giving into the temptation and impatience — only leaves you filled with the lesson of regret if in your heart, true connection is what you really desire. I advocate for women doing with their bodies as they please without shame and guilt, but women must take responsibility for their emotional and spiritual welfare. Celibacy is a great way to allow yourself to have a season of pause to fully reap the benefits of what it feels like to know and honor yourself, your womb, and heart.
Womb and Heart
The womb and heart are intimately connected and they are your body’s most sacred energetic and spiritual centers. In your choice of partners, you must stop to ponder and ask: “Is it truly worth the high of a climax without the ecstasy of knowing that he made love to my soul? Is being his fantasy worth not being able to live the reality hidden beneath my hopes and fears? Is it worth being tongue-tied before he’s smitten enough to devote himself to slowly peeling back the layers of my depth? Is it worth his needs being met while mines are squandered over? Do my sexual desires align with the desires of my heart and what I truly want for my life? If I become pregnant will I feel empowered and honored? Will he make me proud to call him the father of my children? Do I value marriage?” Weighing the cost will save you heartbreak, confusion, wasted time, and regret. Whoever receives the privilege to drown in your innermost sacredness, how must they go about earning access to both your womb and heart? Do you trust that you are worthy of being honored?
Discover You Again
As women, we must take time to become grounded in who we are. Committing to celibacy gives you the space to develop a sense of awe for your own life, dreams, purpose, and existence. We spend so much time in the pursuit of trying to make others happy, that we are often not clear about what makes us soulfully joyful. You must allow yourself the space to really feel your own aliveness without attachment to anything or anyone else. This changes your frequency and makes it easier to attract from a full cup. Waking up each morning must feel like the most miraculous thing you’ve ever done because it is. Once you get comfortable with yourself in your own vulnerabilities and come to fully know and accept all of you, you will begin to generate the kind of energy that repels anyone or anything that is an energetic mismatch! You deserve to have your soul penetrated, your mind liberated of anxiety, fear, and worry, and feel your body surrender to the energy of pure love, but you must embody the love you have for yourself first. Your own love is enough to magnetize unquantifiable riches into your life.
Honor Your Queendom
You are enough! Your smile, your shape, your intelligence, your wit, your humor, your style, your quirks….. it is enough. The man who finds himself intrigued by you, should feel overwhelmed with excitement just simply getting to know you. Afterall, the thrill is in the journey. If you are not the true flower of his desires, he will minimize you (sometimes with narcissistic behavior) and although he may be around, you may not feel his full presence. This creates feelings of anxiety and what you deserve is clarity.
Many men are driven by women, so if access comes easy, he has done very little to earn your respect. If you grant access, and you do not receive the outcome you desire, it can leave you feeling taken advantage of or used if you are not grounded in your own self-worth. Your love cannot be bought, and your heart cannot be quantified. He knows this, and will try every trick in the book to see if you do. When a man enters your innermost softness, he discovers himself and the expansion of your temple expands his life. You are a sacred garden, capable of watering the seeds of his body into full bloom. Honor yourself.
Don’t Dim Your Sexuality
Being celibate isn’t interchangeable with the absence of sexuality. Celibacy is a beautiful time for self-exploration and the discovery of the right touch. Your touch. Your pleasure….on your terms. This time will allow you to fall in love with your flaws and appreciate yourself for who you are. You can also transmute your sexual energy to electrify your dreams and passions. Your sexual energy is directly correlated with your feminine energy which will amplify as you become more confident within yourself. Essentially, how you show up in the world is the epitome of your essence and sexuality. Show up in confidence!
Slow and Steady, and Right on Time
Someone once told me that “patience is the purification of the heart’s desires.” Slow down. You don’t have all the time in the world, but with the fragments that you do have, use it to get clear about who you are and what you need in your life to thrive and feel fulfilled. If no dream was off limits and no desire too grand, who would you become? Celibacy allows you to nurture your garden, and once the seeds of your soul are in full bloom, your life will transform as though by magic. This, you must know. I know deep within, that you do.
